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Successful Failure: The Rewards of Remaining Calm in the Midst of Total Chaos

“Houston, we’ve had a problem…”

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail better. The world is yours…”
~ Peter Hayden Dinklage, American actor and producer

Thank you for being part of our cyber-community! Along with my shared thoughts I would love to hear your observations, challenges, pet peeves, etc. Stuff you would like to have us discuss here! So please contact me and let’s begin to explore together.

I wrestled with what I want to feature today and all I could think about is what is happening to our beautiful nation—indeed, our beautiful planet. The word “chaos” keeps coming over and over. We’re being bombarded with suffering and angst crying out from cataclysmic climate changes to every living being, experiencing insufferable injustices to all species; including immense divisiveness and hate more than ever. I don’t have to tell you this.

So what to do? Where to go?

The answer for me of course is slipping into the arms of Mother Nature. Wherever you are nature offers profound lessons of peace and calm—from her rivers to her oceans to her forests, gardens, mountains, clouds—all. But if she’s having a tornado/storm attack then find wherever there is a safe harbor, watching trees being trees; rescuing, hugging, holding animals and children, everyone you can; listening to or playing your own soothing music, nature sounds, or diving into the arts—whether painting rocks or rock ‘n roll. Just breath in and out steadily, listening to your own rhythm ramping down. Not letting yourself spin out.

OR watch a movie that taps into where you need to be. Surprisingly for me, I found incredible lessons of peace in a movie I’ve watched umpteenth times.

Apollo 13

Apollo 13 rocketApollo 13 has become my chaos rescue. Timing, as you know, is everything and I guess it was the perfect time for me to totally receive the inspiration this movie offered. Based on fact, this mission to the moon became what they called a “successful failure.” Spoiler alert: they make it back home without landing on the moon. Failure because the moon mission wasn’t accomplished. Success because their lives were saved. But what the NASA teams go through to prevent the astronauts from self-destructing and incinerating themselves spinning off into space is astounding.

I don’t think I breathed until the very end of it. Really.

And besides all the brilliant minds and their techno-talk, the understatement first expressed by Jack Swigert in alerting the ground team of their “problem”, was that the entire drama—in space and on land—was delivered and received with a jaw-clenching calm and focus. No one was screaming, “Noooooo!!!!” Yes, they were probably screaming inside, but each dove into what they knew, what they were trained to do, what their strengths were, how they could help, what it would take to stay in the moment and not lose track of the goal at hand: to save three men’s lives no matter what. And can we talk about the fact that they were figuring out mathematical solutions sans computers, too, while everything around them was shutting down and the prospect of death rocketed loudly?

Apollo 13 moduleForget that my all-time fears involve claustrophobia, abandonment, anything that is airborne—and math—this movie showcased these wunderkinds who conquered all those monsters and more by trusting their own instincts, knowing that they had the answers even if they didn’t believe they did. They had to in order to survive for themselves and an entire team working together. That’s the kind of calm I’m talking about.

There is an innate knowing within each of us. I don’t always listen to nor trust it, but when I do I find that it becomes stronger and far more overpowering than the madness I am witnessing or experiencing. I can breathe deeply. I can get up off the floor. I can see my setbacks as opportunities, sometimes even blessings, when I don’t give up and keep on keeping on. Is it all a total failure or a “problem” with a successful solution?

Apollo 13 team

Trust your inner calm

Whatever the world is that you’re facing and will face in time, I hope you embrace and trust your own inner calm. You don’t have to become—or lose yourself in – the waves of chaos. Be the rock and stay steady in the storm.

“In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.”
~ Albert Camus

Trees

I’m a Little Teapot

“I’m a little teapot short and stout.
Here is my handle here is my spout!”

I’ve been singing that song since I was a child and then years later along with generations of my splendid boys and I know you have as well in your worlds, too. So this morning, along with my gratitude for simply greeting a new day and focusing on what really matters—like seeing and breathing!—I found myself zero-ing in on the little chirp and steam-stream of my fat and ever-present kettle.

Standing in front of it as it beckoned me to pick up and pour I couldn’t help thinking of how much we’ve tea-ed and coffee-ed together. Like a long marriage, we’ve been there through the sicknesses and health, the highs and lows, tears and laughter, celebrations and devastations, endings and beginnings. Moves after moves downsizing from big, sprawling house to a nub of bump-your-head-on-ceiling studios. Like a wandering gypsy I wrapped my old faithful kettle into newspapers and boxes making sure that it was a priority wherever I landed.

So today I silently thanked it for never letting me down. For being one of the predictables I could trust in this strange place called Life. Both kettle and I are admittedly a tad ragged around the edges with hints of rust beneath the gleam. My dark hair now silver. Its silvery sheen not so much anymore. But like the song says, “We’re still here!”

Cat

And, as I propped my feet up next to Boo Cat in the Platter, and Peach beside me, I took in this new day with coffee steaming and felt a warm smile grow inside for what really matters right now.

It was all I could to do to not just hug my little teapot short and stout (of course, after it cooled down!)

“The House Remains Inside Me like a Child…” -Don Nigro

ChairI was one of the lucky ones. When I lost my home, my boys were alive, off to school and thriving. And though I was shell shocked at nearly age fifty, I was healthy. I sat on the floor of a teensy studio apartment the size of a postage stamp, surrounded by my six animals, light years away from my beautiful old home in the Hollywood Hills, I knew this was a Cosmic Test that I wanted to learn and pass—though I thought seriously of tossing it all in. But I couldn’t. I had to feed six animals that depended on me.

Unlike so many Californians now suffering horrible losses, I didn’t lose my home of 25 years due to a blazing fire, but more of the incendiary ravages of divorce, bankruptcy, material losses that could have and almost devastated me forever.

Continue reading ““The House Remains Inside Me like a Child…” -Don Nigro

“TIME STOP!”- Aaron Weiss

Aaron WeissMy father, Aaron Weiss, died on November 4, 2017. He was one day shy of turning 99 years old, which he would have done the very next day. I can’t even believe that sentence.

How could it be that a man I’ve known my entire life is now to be referred to in past tense and left me and my sister, at my our seasoned age, fatherless? Hard to fathom, though of course, he lived well into his aging years—a timeless Duracell battery, so afraid of death that he white-knuckled life.

No matter how much my sister, Laura, and I tried to help him overcome his fear of the unknown, of that ultimate thing called “death”—and shower him with books and movies and conversations about beyond all of this—it never worked. He’d only sigh and say that he wished he could believe what we so believe, but that he just couldn’t. So he held on to his daily state of quiet depression fearing the inevitable but too afraid to do anything else he was quite capable of doing—like walking and staying awake and writing.

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Bonny M

A beautiful spirit my friend, Bonny McGowan passed on Saturday, August 5th, 2017, and I wrote this for her little granddaughter, Saylor. I hope it will help you, too, understand why we love this amazing Bonny so much. Hold each other closer than ever. Life is so ephemeral and fragile and brief.

. . . .

“There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.”
~Louis L’Amour

Dearest Saylor,

I know that you and I never got to know each other but I certainly know of you. And of course, I knew your amazing grandmother, Bonny. Not for as long as so many of your tribe knew her, but long enough to be transformed by the mystique and stunningly creative and beautiful spirit that she was—and will forever be. She was a wonderful friend.

Bonny and child

Bonny woman
This is a creation of Bonny’s which was one of many inspirational power cards she made. It’s how I see her spirit dancing free now…

Your beautiful mother and you carry your grandmother’s magic and infinite belief in the majesty and power and wisdom of the divine goddess. It never dies. It grows stronger when given the chance to fly its own unique course and traverse life’s currents on its own terms, in its own way. That was what your grandmother did. She was very much the “Birdy” your mother called her—alighting on the ordinary and instantly transforming it into extraordinary. She didn’t stroll, she practically flew into view, with her scarves and flowy skirts or tight jeans and wild blonde hair and dangly jewelry—gemstones and silver, just the right number of rings and bracelets that made you stop and take notice of her gypsy beauty and style. Her cowboy boots and tango heels. Her passion for music and dance and art and crystals and candles and costumes and Burning Man magic and gardens of flowers and the Bird and Crow that she fed and adored and that great hearty laughter of hers under the moonlight with the best of friends and fighting for the underdog and everyone that needed a lift, a wing to be tucked under, a voice to be heard when they got lost in the crowd. Your grandmother was all that and more.

She was a warrior. An activist. A total original, Bonny was classy and a total head-turner, she reminded me of Cheryl Crow with her sassy sexy quality. Strong-willed and astoundingly creative. And organized in a way that she was able to balance structure and symmetry with design and imagining artistry way outside of the box.

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Lost in Leadville

“I love it. It is wild with adventure.”
Henry Starr describing the bandit life in the Old West before he was shot to death in a gunfight in Arkansas.

WindowLeadville. You can find it yonder nearly 11,000 feet above sea level, known in the late 1800s and early 1900s as the best route for Easterners to head West. And while you experienced the most surreal scenery surrounding it all, you were lucky if you traversed there to survive the elements—both human and natural.

I offer this little preamble because Pete and I just visited this strange Colorado town caught in the web of the past and present woven by ghosts of gun shooters and prostitutes and gamblers and sheriffs and pioneer families and miners and millionaires and jilted lovers and some of the most famous and infamous characters in America’s history—including, John “Doc” Holiday, Carrie Nation, Baby Doe Tabor, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid and even Oscar Wilde!

Their bodies might have long exited this god-forsaken city but, trust me, their phantasms are very much alive. In the midst of today’s Leadville coffee shops and hotels and restaurants and antique shops and pubs and theatres and historic sites with packs of tourists everywhere, those Wild West spirits ain’t dead yet.

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My Mother’s Voice…

Happy Soon-to-Celebrate Mother’s Day! I’ve included a piece I wrote a few years ago with a re-touch, but the sentiment is the same. I have to admit that there’s a bitter-sweetness about this time for me. It  will be the first Mother’s Day without my beautiful mother. I know that many of you are experiencing a similar loss now as well, missing your mothers and grandmothers and others—like a phantom limb. My heart goes out to you, too.

LilliesMy mother passed last year and the void echoes loudly. She was such a vibrant force in so many lives other than my own. A beautiful “Lilly” I will cherish forever. It’s the first Mother’s Day also for my entire family not having her to physically celebrate—sister, niece, great niece and nephew, my husband, sons, daughters-in-law, grandsons and legions of extended other family and friends who loved her so much. But among the many aspects of my Lilly that I long for is her beautiful voice and the songs she sang to us—and I now sing to my grandchildren. I so miss my sweet mother’s voice.

Right now, our precious country and entire planet need mothering like never before. Let’s make this a loving time. I’ll be lighting candles, gathering lilies and gardenias (her favorite flower), donating in my mother’s name–and being so grateful and blessed to be Momma, Nana, Auntie C, and Mama Cara. There is nothing better I’d rather be…

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The Nature Remedy

“In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks.” – John Muir

You know that great saying, “Holding on to hatred and revenge and anger is like taking poison and hoping it kills the other person?” Yeh. We’re the ones who implode and ultimately die from keeping those abhorrent toxins tucked inside our own cells. I know this and yet I have been guilty of such destructive toxin build-up. So overwhelmed by the world of cruelty and sorrow and brutality that I have been greeting each day with white-knuckles, gritted-teeth and verbal tantrums sounding as if they were lifted straight from “The Exorcist.” I am becoming the hate that I hate. Not good.

The Remedy? Mama Nature. Pete and I took off for the day for a gorgeous nature tuck-away in Morrison and instantly I was cocooned by the “Ahhhhh Effect.” Thanking the Universe for the gift of my senses (if you only have a few of them then embrace and use whatever you have!) I took in the soothing sights, sounds, feels, tastes, smells of the natural beauty patiently waiting to be discovered and embraced.

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The Peace Pebble…

Ripple, water and peace

As deeply moved and heartened as I am by the rallying together for and against everything I believe in right now there’s a gnawing voice in my gut that keeps telling me this is not enough. We’re preaching to the choir. Our like-mindedness is the very thing that caused this political cancer to grow in the first place. We turned a blind eye and deaf ear to those who believe that Trump was and is the answer to “make America great…” These are the people we need to be talking to. Not yelling at or calling names…but seriously speaking to in real efforts to make positive changes.

To listen to each other. To reach out.

Jimmy Fallon had a great bit on his show called Common Ground in which both Republicans and Democrats on the street were asked what they both liked and didn’t like and in that brief moment they found that they did have something in common, they shook hands, laughed and even hugged. It was just a little moment but I found it touching and true.

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Gridlock Life Lesson

It was Friday the 13th. A bright full moon night. My husband, Pete and I were headed out to Manitou Springs (in Colorado Springs), basically around 40-ish minutes away from where we live. I was to give a talk at the Storytellers Project, a popular monthly venue followed by a loyal and pretty large group of storyteller aficionados.

We gave ourselves over an hour to get there by 7 p.m., when Sharon Friedman, the Owner/Director of the Project requested I be there. No problemo. We loaded up the car with some extra books (Strength from Tragedy) hopefully to sell and autograph. Most of you already know the book and topic about my nearly 20-year friendship and correspondence with Anne Frank’s father, Otto Frank.

I was both excited and terrified. Because though I’ve been giving this talk for years now, this would be the first time I was to be speaking “off-book”. In other words, no cheat sheet. No fat notebook in front of me filled with the entire story, quotes, references, etc. Nope. I was to wing it and just tell the story from my heart as I needed to convince myself I already knew it and to tell it in a far more personal way than I’d ever spoken of it before. I was waaay out of my comfort zone.

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